Setting goals: first things first

Goals can be daunting. Setting a goal plan even more challenging the more complex the goal.

What actions can you take to get you started and move the register to begin starting on path to accomplish larger goals?

Begin with a relatively easy goal you have in mind.

On a separate sheet of paper or online tool, write down every possible action you can think of to help you achieve this goal.

Include any tasks you can give yourself, any obstacles you can identify to your actions and tasks and the resources you would need and person that could help you around obstacles or help you with tasks.

Ultimately, you are responsible for completion and accountable to yourself.

As you begin working on your goal, more action items may emerge. Incorporate them to your original list.

Ask a friend or accountability buddy to help you think about your list and brainstorm action steps.

Decide how many hours per day and many days per week you want to allot to working on your goal. A good rule of thumb is two hours per task!

Implement and revise if needed.

Note that if you change your mind about starting toward your goal more than three times, you’ll need to reevaluate how important that goal was – no matter how small – and how committed you were.

Start small. Reach your goal. Learn and build your self confidence along the way.

Call Joe the Life Coach for more help at 202.328.7414 or Skype at sandpdc.

Do you know your pleasure centers?

As a man, do you know your pleasure centers?

Like some stylized drawing of a seated male, cross legged, with a fiery flame flickering above your head or divine halo signaling your aura, you ponder your pleasures. An orgasm, after all is buildup and release of sexual tension, so the more tension you build up, the greater the release!

Where do get your kicks – above or below the waistline?

Have you really thought about what gives you pleasure?

Are you and your partner you hitting the right places?

You might know the usual places that turn you or your partner on, but when it comes to the most erogenous zones of your body, you might be surprised to know about other male pleasure spots you might be missing – from top to bottom.

Brain

A man’s mind is a powerful erogenous zone. A heightened state of arousal in the generalized central nervous system – the brain – makes sexual arousal easier. When your mind gets excited, your body follows.

Forehead

The head and scalp are covered with nerve endings and a light massage from your hairline to your forehead can trigger feel-good hormones like dopamine and serotonin and get you aroused.

Eyelids

When a man’s eyes are closed, kissing or rubbing his eyelids gently can drive him wild. Try having your partner lightly touch your eyes and eye sockets, then have your partner kiss this area slightly. Having your eyes closed allows you to lose control!

Ears

Many men love their ears touched.

Have your partner placing a thumb and index finger on the spot where your ear lobe connects to the tissue near your face, gently pulling down and letting fingers slide off to start again. You will feel soothed or excited. Gentle tongue action or playful bites, warm breath or tender whispering will continue to be a turn on.

Lips

Kissing is a basic skill to be mastered early. Bad kissing is a deal breaker: if you can’t master the basic simple, wet, deep kiss, how can you be expected to go for more complex techniques?

But it’s not just tongue action. Stimulation by licking and biting lips gently allow a man to feel just the tiniest little sting. There’s a lot of pleasure in a little bit of pain!

Nape of the Neck

Any gentle touch on a man’s neck and collarbone area increases his arousal. Rubbing his neck lightly, nibbling on an earlobe while also running hands toward his genitals are creative combinations.

Nipples

This erogenous zone does not apply to all men, but men who do enjoy having their nipples stimulated do enjoy it. Immensely. Follow cues: what is he doing to yours?

Flick his nipples with your tongue or place it gently (very gently) between your teeth and move your jaw from side to side. Play with his nipples with your fingers or other common objects, a brush, feather, ice cube!

Lower Abs

The belly button and the area between navel and pelvis are tantalizing regions as blood flows to the pelvis and sexual tension increases. Stimulation going back and forth between this area and the genitals develops sexual tension throughout a man’s body.

Inner Thighs

Lightly touching a man’s inner thighs can get him in the mood—fast. Slowly move fingertips up and down his inner thighs. Following the outline of the crevice of his thigh, sensuously move the index and middle fingers up and down this hot spot for a few strokes before pressing the palm of a hand on the top of his thigh to start again with your fingertips.

Perineum

The area between a man’s testicles and his anus is a hot spot for most. If rubbed the right way, it can lead very powerful orgasms.

When he’s about to ejaculate, start vigorously massaging the perineum with your thumb. This gives a man a rush of pleasure and will make his orgasm that much more intense.

Scrotum

The scrotum holds the sensitive testicles. One wrong move and it’s pain, so start off slow.

Cup his scrotum into your hand and gently move the tips of your fingers while performing oral sex.

If both of you are comfortable exploring this, start masturbating him while you lick the area between his testicles. Eventually, you can suck it and perhaps even take a testicle into your mouth at a time for a little pulsation.

Back of the Knees

Ticklish and more sensitive perhaps since the skin is smoother at the back of knee, yet many men love to be kissed or caressed there. Gentle caresses can lead to fireworks. To ramp up anticipation, lightly yet firmly touch the back of the knees with your fingertips in a circular motion.

Feet

Men love foot massages! No wonder practitioners of the ancient art of reflexology focus on the heels of the feet as pressure points that can trigger sexual arousal. Brushing a man’s feet against other parts of your body can really get him excited.

Behavior change not behavior explanation

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), often called attention deficit disorder (ADD), begins in childhood and can persist in adulthood.

It can affect your everyday and job and employment life but don’t make excuses if you’re diagnosed with it.

The diagnosis of ADHD may be a life-changing explanation for you. It is not an excuse, however, in the real world, which requires behavior change not behavior explanation. Although some may sympathize with you because they know someone with disorder, others most likely are disinterested at best or do not care.

People in the real world set goal plans, timetables and carry out tasks on schedule.

Make your life easier: accept this truth.

Mindfulness and focusing

Do you do just enough thinking and end up making little real progress?

Are some parts of the day, week, month or year better for certain types of work than others?

Writing on his blog Study Hacks, Georgetown Professor Cal Newport sees the benefits of deep concentration as a technique to allocate time, focus and become more productive and efficient.

First, reduce the “overhead” you spend remembering where you left off and getting your mind ready to concentrate each time you only spend a few hours focusing on a problem.

When you focus on a specific deep work goal for 10 to 15 hours – two days immersed in deep work – you might produce more results than two months of scheduling just an hour a day.

Second, since your body works in cycles, match your rhythms. Consider your planning during a certain time and then another for actually executing.

This deep concentration probably yields better results than trying to mix everything together.

And multi-tasking? Fuhgeddaboudit!

Focus!

Setting goals: 13 questions before starting out

Before setting any goals for yourself, go to a quiet place to think. Make it sacred by your solitude. Ponder to gain understanding. Ask yourself these questions:

Is the goal your own?

Is the goal based on your values?

Is the goal achievable based on your personal strengths?

Is the goal attainable based on current skills you have or do you need other skills?

What does your inner voice say about your goal?

How do you see yourself reaching that goal?

How will you feel when you reach that goal?

Where will you write or announce your goal?

How will you share the vision of your goal and with whom?

How will you track your progress in reaching your goal?

How will you adjust when you need to change course or face obstacles reaching your goal?

When will you know you’ve reached your goal?

How ready are you to make your goal SMARTER?

Anxiety and you

Have you felt anxious at some point in your life?

Frequent worrier?

Have illness, being fired, feeling discriminated, unemployment, job searching, new job, moving to a new city— made you feel stressed and overloaded?

Have you had full blown panic attacks – chest pain, palpitations, sweating, shortness of breath and dizziness?

Is your anxiety becoming part of a cycle of doubt, worry, fear, inaction, paralysis, depression?

“You need some anxiety in your life and it’s there for a reason. It’s what motivates us to work and keeps us out of trouble,” says Dr. Tom Rebori, medical director of the Mood and Anxiety Disorders Center at Evanston Northwestern Healthcare in Illinois.

If anxiety is interfering with your daily life – disrupting sleep or concentration – it could mean that you have an anxiety disorder. New treatments and research offer good news: anxiety disorders are highly treatable.

Here are the four main anxiety disorders, plus tips and techniques to cope with them and learn to deal with them.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

In the last six months, have you spent half of the days worrying?

Excessive worrying — which interferes with daily life — also causes physical symptoms like low energy, sleep disturbances, muscle tension, sweating, nausea and difficulty concentrating.

Here are two ways of coping.

Keep a worry log so you see patterns and learn to replace negative thinking with another thought until you gradually change your inner dialogue.

Set up “worry periods.” Dr. Dave Carbonell at Anxiety Treatment Center in New York tells patients to set up two 10-minute worry periods every day where they can isolate themselves. By giving their full attention to the worry, it becomes boring because there’s not that much content to it.

Panic Disorder

Scared of losing control, that you’re dying or fearful that you’re going crazy?

Panic attacks occur in certain settings—a crowded mall, elevators. You can associate a situation with that reaction and start avoiding certain situations. Just because you’ve had a panic attack doesn’t mean you have panic disorder, though, unless you’ve had at least two unexpected panic attacks, followed by at least one month of concern about experiencing another attack.

Getting to understand what’s happening is key to treating the disorder: facing (not avoiding certain situations), accepting (not fighting the panic attack, but welcoming it), floating (relaxing through the anxiety without resistance, like floating through water) and letting time pass (knowing that the attack will pass).

Phobia

Social phobias involve an intense fear of situations – usually social or performance-related settings – for fear of having a panic attack.

Specific phobias involve an excessive fear of an object or situation that causes anxious symptoms similar to a panic attack.

Social phobias are treated the same as panic disorders. For specific phobias, the common treatment is gradual exposure.

The first step is to talk about the fear to begin to understand that you won’t die or go crazy when in contact with object or situation.

Post-traumatic stress disorder

Whereas GAD patients worry about the future, PTSD involves worrying about something that happened.

PTSD is a condition where sufferers have been through some kind of traumatic experience. The symptoms are a heightened degree of arousal, nightmares or recurring thoughts, feelings of detachment, sleep problems, high startle response or jumpiness, flashbacks and depression.

Treatment is learning how to live in the present through relaxation.

Anxiety disorder symptoms can come and go. Yet it makes common sense to ease stress, eat healthier and exercise – lifetime habits that will help in the long run.

Set aside time every day for relaxing – use aPrayer, meditate, go for a mindful walk, enjoy a hot or naked yoga session, listen to music, soak in a hot bath – anything where you’re just being you.

For more information:

Edmund J. Bourne, The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, New Harbinger Publications: 2000.

Anxiety Disorders Association of America
http://www.adaa.org

National Institute of Mental Health
http://www.nimh.nih.gov

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/04/130408133020.htm

Planning: a tool that’s right for you

Planning is an extraordinary tool.

Yet it often takes a lot of effort in the initial phase since you are basically starting to “initialize,” “reprogram” or “reboot” your brain to respond with behaviors that move you closer to your goals.

Imagine if every self-help, motivational and diet book came with an easy goal plan to do whatever’s recommended in the book, you would be a better manager, employee, people-person, entrepreneur, leader, leaner, thinner, healthier and better dressed, groomed, grounded and balanced.

Dr. Heidi Grant Halvorson, author of Succeed: How We Can Reach Our Goals and “Nine Things Successful People Do Differently,” the most popular and commented on Harvard Business Review blog post in 2011, suggests contingency or if/then planning – is a successful way to reach your goals.

Connecting the if – situation you’re going to act on – and the then – specific action you’re going to take – duplicate the language of the brain, “if z, then y.”

When added to SMARTER goals, contingency planning contributes to succeeding in short-term goals and establishing a foundation for other successes.

How do you define success?

Why are you pursuing the goals you are pursuing?

How are your goals really satisfying your basic human needs for belonging (relatedness), competence and autonomy?

Let Joe the Life Coach help you with transitions, important life aspirations and goal planning! One step at a time. Call 202.328.7414, Skype to sandpdc or tweet @aprayerdc.

Men’s boundaries and thresholds

When do men face thresholds?

Between land and water.
Between land and air.
Between land above and land below.
Between each other.

Each threshold, though, is a new opportunity to grow, a challenge to defy or an obstacle to overcome.

Trinity West Fine Art Gallery in the Dallas Design District recently announced painter Robert Dye’s new body of work, “At the Threshold,”
that will be featured at a solo show at the gallery.

Dye, known for his water-filled landscapes, blurs the distinction between landscape and pure abstract imagery. Painterly yet precise.

After beginning his career at the Pennsylvania Academy of Fine Arts and exhibiting in numerous group and solo shows in the Philadelphia area, the painter now lives and creates his art in Dallas.

Dye declared that Texas, “with its big skies and wide-open landscapes, has brought more atmosphere” to his paintings.

The opening reception will be Saturday September 21, 2013, from 6-9pm at the gallery, a new addition to the Dallas Design District focusing on North Texas art and artists.

Trinity West Fine Art

2335 Valdina Street, Dallas, Texas

Hours 10:00 to 5:00 pm
Tuesday through Friday
Saturday by appointment.

Tel. 214-688-0288

gallery@trinitywestfineart.com

Are you a good judge of people?

Do you focus on extrinsic markers — academic scores, net worth, social status, job titles?

Social media has added new layers of extrinsic scoring:

How many friends do they have on Facebook?

Who do we know in common through LinkedIn?

How many Twitter followers do they have?

These extrinsic markers, however, only tell one part of a person’s story. They are necessary, but not sufficient.

Act today and look toward tomorrow

Tolerance may be a good thing. Complacency may deter you from your goals.

Tolerating something – an aggressive coworker, a runny toilet or a squeaky wheel – continually drains your energy, like filing a cup upon which someone has made little holes.

Does continuous tolerance or complacency keep you from being yourself and evolving quickly as a human being?

How often do you distinguish between your activities that are incomplete, unresolved and require resolution or those that are unfinished, still needing work and require action?

In your life, how many things are unresolved or infinished?

Here are two simple exercises to help you break those negative reinforcing loops of tolerance and complacency.

List five unresolved issues or situations (large or small) that are draining your energy. Circle one that you can complete today.

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List five things (small or large) you’re putting up with or tolerating. Circle the one that you can eliminate TODAY.

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What’s the one big change that would make the most difference in your life?

What’s the first step you will take in the direction of that change?

When will you do this?